Primus at the Sugar Mill

May 5, 2012. For some, this day was the celebration of Mexican culture known as Cinco de Mayo. For others, this day was the second Saturday of Jazz Fest, headlined by The Eagles. For me, May 5, 2012 was the day that I finally got to see one of my favorite bands live in concert: Primus!

A little background research showed that the last time Primus came to New Orleans was 12 years ago. That's right folks, the last time Primus came to town was in the yeeeeeeeeaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrr two thousaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnddddddd (Go to Youtube and search “conan o'brien in the year 2000”, and prepare to laugh so hard you just might pee a little). Since that time the lineup has gone through some changes, and the band even went on hiatus for a few years, but there's one thing you can count on: Les Claypool is, and always will be, the Master of the Bass. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start from the beginning.

This show was held at a place called The Sugar Mill, located across the street from the Morial Convention Center. The venue is a big warehouse, with one open side that leads into an outdoor courtyard. Really cool setup (I especially liked the fact that the interior was air-conditioned; perfect for a fat, sweaty S.O.B such as myself).

The show is hosted by the one and only Tony Clifton. Well, maybe not the one and only. I'm not going to go into a long history lesson here, you can Google “Tony Clifton” for the whole scoop. In short: Tony Clifton is a sleazy lounge singer character created by the late comedic genius Andy Kaufman, however, the character was (and still is) played by multiple individuals. To say the Clifton character is an “asshole” would be like describing Mother Teresa as simply a “nice lady”. Clifton is a crude, misogynistic scumbag.....but he's a hilarious crude, misogynistic scumbag.

Tony Clifton makes his grand entrance, singing “God Bless America” in that irritating, nasally voice of his. He's accompanied by his two “Cliftonettes”, both dressed in Statue of Liberty costumes. Clifton stops the song midway, calls the Cliftonette on his right a stupid bitch, and makes her redo her entrance. I can already tell this is going to be an interesting show. As Clifton reaches the crescendo of the song, the Cliftonettes rip off the Statue of Liberty costumes to reveal stars and stripes bikinis. God Bless America indeed. The song finishes up and Tony introduces us to the first band of the night, the Dead Kenny G's.

I'd never heard of the Dead Kenny G's prior to this night, so I didn't know any of the material, but they put on an entertaining show. The band's style is a mash up of funk, jazz and punk rock, and the majority of their songs were instrumental. They had a jam band feel, which usually would have bored me to death, but these guys have an awesome saxophone player named Skerik who really knows how to work a crowd, and another guy playing the xylophone (yep that's right, a freakin' xylophone!). They played songs from their new “punk rock masterpiece”, an album entitled simply “Gorelick”. I don't know what the hell “Gorelick” means, and even though they played the title track, it didn't help at all because the only lyrics were “Gorelick! Gorelick!, Gorelick!”. The music was pretty cool though, so I was digging it. They also played a song by the Dead Kennedys (oohhh now I get it....Dead Kennedys.....Dead Kenny Gs.....you clever cheeky monkeys you) called “Kill the Poor”, and they dedicated the song titled “Black Death” to the memory of the late Beastie Boy, Adam “MCA” Yauch (a bit of poor taste with that one, although tame compared to the Tony Clifton antics still to come). Overall, the Dead Kenny G's put on a fun, eclectic show. They felt like the perfect post-Jazz Fest band.

Tony Clifton makes his return to the stage and gives us a few classic Clifton jokes, such as “Why do they boil water when babies are born? Just in case it dies, they can make soup.” Check out the video below to see some more “zingers”. 

He then goes on to perform Glen Campbell's biggest hit “Rhinestone Cowboy”. Every time the chorus comes up, the Cliftonettes come out wearing cowgirl outfits and riding toy horses. The joke is that Clifton keeps repeating the chorus over and over, just when you think he's done he goes right back into it. Once again, a poor Cliftonette gets berated for a poor performance, as Tony stops the chorus and tells her to “Get off the f***ing stage” and takes her toy horse from her. Clifton closes with a crowd pleasing rendition of “When the Saints Go Marching In”, before introducing us to our next act: The Budos Band.

Not much to say about these guys. Their songs were all instrumentals, and completely killed the crowd. While the Dead Kenny G's had a jam band feel that I enjoyed, The Budos Band was the typical jam band, with a horn section and bongos to top things off. The members of the audience who brought their friend Mary Jane to this party seemed to enjoy themselves, however I don't worship the green goddess, so I was bored out of my skull. Feels like a perfect time for a bathroom break.

Since this place is a warehouse, there aren't any indoor bathrooms, but instead there are port-a-potties outside in the courtyard. Unfortunately, there were only 8 port-a-potties, for around a thousand people. A guy in front of me said “Well this isn't any worse than a Saints game.” Yes it is, dumbass. This is much worse than waiting in the bathroom line at a Saints game. By the time I finally stepped up to the plate, my bladder felt like a sumo wrestler in a pair of skinny jeans. I got back inside, and there's a guy onstage with the Budos Band playing a jug. Yep, he was playing a f***ing jug. I zoned out for the rest of this performance. I've reading the Game of Thrones books lately, so I was going over the characters, cities and scenarios in my head. What is going on with Stannis Baratheon on Dragonstone? What about Renly down south in Highgarden? And Mance Raydar above the Wall? Man I can't wait to get home to start reading again! Huh, what's that? Oh Primus is about to come on. Back to the show.

I was expecting to hear all of the classic Primus songs. That's what a concert is for, right? The band plays all of their hits, with a few new songs sprinkled in. That is not what happened here. Primus was not to be outdone by the jam bands that came before them. I had no clue what the first few songs were, but they went on forever. Each song was like fifteen minutes long. At least I got to watch Les Claypool tear up the bass. Finally, Les stepped off-stage for a minute, and emerged wearing a replica of the pig mask that was on the cover of Primus' amazing album, Pork Soda. Guitarist Larry “Ler” Leland then went into the opening riff of the classic, “Mr. Krinkle”. Finally, I can sing along to something. Ler Leland absolutely shredded a ten minute solo in the middle of the song, which seemed like it was improvised. Great stuff. At one point in between songs, Claypool asks the fans to “give it up for the one and only Larry Leland, from the band Possessed”. That was a pretty funny line. Possessed was a death metal side project that Leland played in during the 80's and 90's, that had nowhere near the recognition of Primus. Les then pokes fun at his buddy Ler, saying that if he had to pay the bills from playing in Possessed, Ler would be “living in a urine soaked refrigerator box”, to which Ler agreed. Primus then played a song from their new album Green Naugahyde, and then went into one of their more controversial hits, “Wynona's Big Brown Beaver”. They played a few other songs that I (and most of those in attendance) didn't recognize. Finally, they played “Southbound Pachyderm”, which was just as awesome as you'd expect. The first encore was a song that Les says “we don't normally play live, because I usually screw up the opening”, and that song was “Fish On”. Absolutely perfect song to play in south Louisiana. They rocked the hell out of it, and Les did not, in fact, screw up the opening. The second, and final, encore was the seminal Primus classic, “Jerry Was a Race Car Driver”, which sent the fans home happy. Well, at least somewhat happy. There was no “My Name is Mud”, “John the Fisherman”, “Tommy the Cat”, “Those Damned Blue Collar Tweakers” or my personal favorite Primus song “Too Many Puppies”. Bummer. Oh well, at least I can say I saw Primus live, and got to see one of the greatest bass players of all time perform in an intimate setting.

Overall, a good show, but a little disappointing. At least I got to see Les Claypool, and it was pretty cool seeing Tony Clifton, even if it wasn't Andy Kaufman in the leisure suit. Hope everyone enjoyed this review. I'll be back soon with another concert-going experience.